


Robbie Turner: Past-Dunkirk

by embersandturquoise



Category: Atonement (2007), James McAvoy - Fandom, Timothée Chalamet - Fandom
Genre: Boys In Love, Emotions, Falling In Love, First Time, Gay, Kissing, Love during War, M/M, Post-Dunkirk, Robbie and Tim, Soulmates, WW II, atonement au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embersandturquoise/pseuds/embersandturquoise
Summary: Alternate Universe:After surviving Dunkirk Robbie had been sent to work in a military basis in London. There he meets a young guy - Tim - he is supposed to care for. They get caught kissing and are torn apart.Back home, Robbie is left with memories and his despair to find Tim again.Trigger warning:Mentioning of war happenings.
Relationships: Robbie Turner/Timothée Chalamet
Kudos: 4





	Robbie Turner: Past-Dunkirk

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, it´s James and Timothée. ;-)  
> It was planned with different characters, but writings sometimes evolve like that... 
> 
> And it´s my first try on Timothée, I pictured him like this inspired by his performance of Elio in "Call my by your name".  
> I do not claim to have the historical happenings all right.
> 
> Enjoy. And thanks for kudos and comments.

**Robbie past-Dunkirk**

_(Music: “The sound of silence” – Disturbed; “Goodbye Brother” – Ramin Djwadi)_

Prologue

Robbie was tossing and turning in his sleep. Barely asleep and yet on the verge of waking up again. Pictures were haunting him, night after night.

_Walking through a field, Stukas up above in the sky..._

_The sound of bombs dropping. The whirring in the air and the silence on ground just before it hit..._

_A woman standing amidst high grass, unable to move, her face a silent mask of horror..._

_A young child breathing into his neck..._

He was sweating, silently weeping and tiny cries escaped his throat. He couldn´t run from those dreams. He couldn´t escape the emotions that overran him anew every single time.

Robbie had changed.

Yes, he had returned. He´d come back. Operation “Dynamo” had saved his life; there had been surgery, there had been wound care. He had been on the verge of dying that one night in the cellar, but by a heavenly coincidence there had been a doctor around and Nettle had talked him into seeing after Robbie. Robbie still didn´t know where medication came from, but obviously he had received treatment. On early dawn of June 1st, 1940 he could breathe freely again and the fever had gone.

Two days later he embarked a boat and on June 5th he stood, staring at the white cliffs of Dover unbelieving that he had survived.

But he wasn´t the same anymore. The young untroubled man who had planned the adventures of his life back then in the summer of 1935, did not exist anymore. Life was nothing like he had imagined it to be. People around noticed with sorrow how Robbie grew quiet. How the once open-hearted and keen-for-life-look faded from his face and turned into grief.

_Bright sparkling eyes..._

_Laughter..._

30 August 1940, London

_“I´m still not over France signing the truce. Now the Germans are after us. Again Stukas. Bomb impacts. I can feel it coming, they are reaching for London. Some days ago attacks on Dover. I don´t know what I am doing here. Why they´ve brought me._

_The RAF is flying towards Berlin I´ve heard. I´m not sure I can take anymore of this. I´ve never wanted to be here...”_

4 September 1940, London

_“Attacks on London. Massive loss in air troops. Pilots dropping in daily. They´re all so young. Why do we have to force mankind into such horrors? And they all leave with a smile on their face, proud to serve their country, pretending to be brave. Maybe they are. Or maybe they are dumb. Or fearless... I´m none of that. Some days I´m grateful for my injury. I´m just here, headquarters, doing ground stuff. Counting deaths. Which makes it no inch better in feelings. But at least I´m save.”_

6 September 1940, London

_“Injured pilots coming in. We´ve been turned into a reception, handling them here before they can be transferred to hospitals. I could have been of good use in this war. I would have been a doctor by now...”_

Robbie looked around. The former office had been set into a kind of sickbay. They just couldn´t offer enough space and hospitals were bursting over with wounded. Private rooms had been equipped with temporary beds and the next bunch of injured pilots was sure to come.

He breathed deeply and tried to get rid of the swelling inside his chest; the longing to be somewhere else, to never have seen what he had, to just go back to that fucking day in summer 1935 when his life had been changed forever.

“Lance Corporal Turner!”

The shrill voice of Lieutenant Colonel Hopkins interrupted Robbie from his thoughts.

“Yes, sir!”

He straightened his posture and immediately his face turned into a mask of obedience. He wished he could go back walking. Nobody ever taught you about the pure clarity and benefits of marching order. Calming the mind. Calming his thoughts.

The colonel threw him a stern look.

“We´ve arranged for a young Sergeant to be brought to your place. He´s not severely injured, said he´d aspired to study in Cambridge and I seem to remember you´ve attended Cambridge before... well... all of this.”

Robbie nodded quietly. Hopkins actually had a good heart, he was one of the nicer officers. He saluted and Robbie did the same.

“Thank you, sir.”

“You will be needed upstairs. Help to set the room.”

“Aye.”

Robbie turned and walked up the stairs to the chambers he was sharing with three other Corporals. Space was tiny but they had already begun to arrange their cots to be able to host more injured. Robbie sighed when he watched the others chatting along.

For them it seemed a great adventure, this war. An exciting journey. On some days he really felt lonely. On the road to Dunkirk there had been Nettle and Mace. He wouldn´t dare to claim they had grown significant relation but he had known they had been as tired, as fucked, as annoyed, as pained as him and as thrilled to get out of this as soon as possible.

But the guys here...

The wounded came in later that evening. Robbie had spent some time filing the newest reports after a sparse dinner at the mess.

When he came back to their room the additional cot wasn´t empty anymore.

Robbie undressed quietly and laid onto his bed, his arms spread under his head, he was staring into the dim twilight.

A terrifying moan sounded from his right. Robbie looked over to see a young guy wrenching his body in his sleep.

Hadn´t the Colonel said he wasn´t badly injured?

_“He looked so young. Barely of age. I was shocked when I realized they are sending kids to war now.”_

In fact, the young man wasn´t wounded at all. They had taken him from a shot-down plane, all of his comrades dead. He was suffering, soaked wet and crying his heart out when they had found him, Robbie learned during the next day.

The boy just lay there, not making any sound. Robbie caught himself sneaking over at night, checking if he was still breathing.

He was. Unbelievably flat though, his chest barely heaving up and down. His features were soft; round hairless chin, high cheeks, warm and red in his sleep, long dark lashes. Red plush lips which he fluffed under his breath. Dark locks that curled into his neck. Even in the dark his skin shone milky and pale, freckled here and there.

Robbie felt a strange tingle in his chest. The boy reminded him of himself when he was younger. He reached out a hand to stroke a sweaty lock from the younger one´s forehead. The boy shuddered under that touch and whimpered.

Robbie jerked back and quickly crawled under his scratchy blanket. He had a hard time finding sleep that night, thoughts and emotions whirling in his head until the early morning.

8 September 1940, Headquarters

_“I´ve been commanded to attend our room and look after the boy. He´s sleeping most of the time. No wounds, no fever, no anything. It could be a good practice for my later work, if I only knew what to do. To be honest, I´m not sure if there´s anything that can be done for him. We´ve been trying to locate his family. No success though. I wonder if his hometown might havebeen evacuated. They could be anywhere. Maybe the boy´s more lonely than I am. At least I know where I´m heading to when this is over.”_

Robbie found it exhausting. Staying in the room all the time, watching the guy. He´d brought his reports up with him and tried working, he´d also found a new edition of “Gray´s Anatomy” and he wanted to catch up with the latest research but the silence that lay upon the room let his insides clench. He felt on the verge of screaming or hitting anything, just anything. Down there at the office, it had at least been distraction. But now here he was left to his thoughts. And he felt the hole inside his heart grow with every day.

9 September 1940, Headquarters

_“Means of communication have been cut. I´m still writing one letter a day, but I guess my words are losing touch. And anyway, I don´t know if anyone ever will read them at all. I was convinced the hardest part was over and here I am, in the middle of something even more disastrous to come.”_

Robbie put the pen down and let his head rest into his arms. He tried to fight the tears but he had been holding back his fears and his anger, his tension for too long. His inner walls tumbled down and he started to sob, not caring for what was happening around him.

The attacks had grown closer. London was under fire for days now. He could hear the sounds of bombs from a far.

Suddenly, Robbie felt a warm touch on his shoulder. He nearly jumped and found himself staring into mesmerizing green eyes, sprinkled with dots of hazelnut-brown, looking at him concerned.

The boy swayed, not really being steady on his feet yet, and Robbie could barely lift an arm around his waist to keep him from collapsing onto the floor.

“Gee boy, you shouldn´t walk around. You´ve been sleeping for days.”

They both groaned and with some efforts Robbie put the young Sergeant back to his bed. They boy was breathing heavily.

“It´s just... I´ve heard... I was trying...”

His voice broke and he let his head fall back. His eyelids shut close and it appeared to Robbie he had immediately gone back to sleep. Robbie shook his head and wiped the tears away. He sighed deeply and turned.

“Wait. Don´t go... please...”

The voice of the young guy sounded hoarse and unsure, as if he had unlearned how to use it properly. Robbie looked at him and when he realized the sorrow on the other one´s face, his heart sank. He was okay, he was just stuck here, but he would get back, he would see his family, his loved ones – once this was over. But the young boy here... he seemed so fragile, so translucent...

It was his human duty to care for him.

It did not feel a duty to him though.

Robbie sensed a deeper connection between the both of them; he had never had a brother, he had not even wished for one, but this young man touched something deep inside his soul.

A cottage by the sea, England, 1942

Robbie sat upright in bed.

He couldn´t forget. It had been two years now and not one single word. None of his efforts had been of success. No outcome.

Instead of that - nightmares.

Guilt.

Shame.

Interrogation, Headquarters London, 10 October 1940

“What happened between the both of you?”

The angry disgusted voice of Chief Commander Pennywright sounded harsh, Robbie felt slapped by the stare on the man´s face. His chest wrenching, his mind whirling, trying to make up a story... something... anything... The truth he couldn´t tell... he would get the boy into serious danger. Even here, in good old well educated England. He had thought only the Germans were capable of such cruelty. But he was mistaken.

“Choose your words wisely, Turner. This is all about you now. And be sure, we won´t keep filth like that in our troupes.”

The Chief Commander spat before Robbie´s feet. No title - this was humiliation. Next he would end in front of a war court and then he would never, never return.

_He needed to go back._

_Out of here._

_Away from all of this._

Robbie raised his eyes, filled with tears and he gulped.

“It was... I don´t... we just...”

But he couldn´t.

“Well then... know one thing: The boy has already been sent to the burrow. You can´t do anything about him anymore.”

Pennywright laughed and Robbie´s throat constricted. His eyes widened with terror as he slowly began to understand the meaning of those words.

_No._

_Noooo._

_No. No. Noooooo!!!_

_O God..._

_What had he done?_

9 September 1940, Headquarters

Those mesmerizing eyes were staring at him in a way that left Robbie at least irritated. The younger guy´s gaze was so intense and he wondered if it had to do with those dark lashes and furrowed eyebrows that gave him a concerning yet inciting stare. Robbie swallowed and stepped back, pulling the only chair close to the bed and sat himself down.

“Uhm...”  
He was nervous, and he didn´t know why. Surely there was a reason, but... this felt strange, he never... no, he really couldn´t put a finger on it. He tried a light start of conversation.

“Are you feeling better?”

The boy smiled at Robbie and nodded.

“Thank you.”

His eyes darted to the sign over Robbie´s bed.

“... Turner.”

“Robbie. My name´s Robbie.”

“Ah, I wasn´t sure but... right, no need for your names in the army, just drill and titles. How could I forget that.”

A sad smile shadowed around the youth´ lips. Those lips were pretty perfect, Robbie had to admit. A strange feeling in his stomach emerged from somewhere and he felt uneasy from one to the other moment.

“Tim. Nice to meet you.”

They shook hands and Tim held on to Robbie´s, closing his eyes with a painful sound coming from the depth of his throat. Obviously the talking had him exhausted again.

“You feel so nice...”

he mumbled into the air and then his head fell to the side, his body barely able to fight the urge to sleep. A wary smile curled on his lips, as his mind voyaged over into the realm of dreams and Robbie´s hand was still in his, his fingers clenched around Robbie´s knuckles and they felt warm and soft and tiny.

When Robbie sneaked back under his blanket, the touch lingered on his skin until his eyes fell shut and that night he didn´t dream of bombs or soldiers or running through a field, breathless - this night he dreamt of touching soft sensitive skin... he dreamt of kisses gently placed all over his body... he dream of red lips lavishing him... and on the next morning he awoke with the most inappropriate hard-on ever.

He suppressed a moan, internally scolding himself for his reaction but he couldn´t help it. His body felt electrified and would he have been alone, he had surely helped himself about that. He could really need a good wank...

He slowly opened his eyes to look over at the only other bed still occupied. Those were the advantages of keeping ward here; they were mostly left to themselves now. The other guys began their duty early in the morning and Robbie wondered how he never woke when they left; either they were being silent – but he couldn´t believe that; he had seen and heard too much of those rough, loud guys within the last weeks, being their own caffeine no matter what the time was – or he finally had given his body permission to get the rest he so desperately needed.

Quiet snorting sounds escaped from Tim. He looked very peaceful in his sleep and Robbie once again felt his heart literally flutter by the thought of those hazelnut-green eyes. The hardness in his pants wouldn´t vanish; Robbie tried breathing slowly and deeply but also that didn´t work. He couldn´t just use the bathroom and get himself off. Not here... now... with Tim being so close. Maybe a cold shower would help...

“Good morning.”

_O God..._

Robbie shot into a sitting position, his blanket crumpled and pulled his knees to his chest, hoping Tim wouldn´t notice his erection.

“Err... morning...”

There was a cheeky grin on that sweet innocent face and Robbie was sure, Timmy´s gaze had hushed over his lower body quickly.

_How could he get out of this unseen?_

He must have pulled a hilarious face, because Tim suddenly started to laugh. The sound of his voice, so hearty and lovely gave Robbie shudders.

“What´s wrong, Robbie? You look like you´ve swallowed bitter medicine.”

“Ah...nnno... just... nothing.”

Robbie felt his cheeks blush deeply and it didn´t help that Tim obviously couldn´t take his eyes off of him. But maybe he was just imagining. Wishing...

“I think I try eating something today. Can we go down to the mess?”

“What? Yes. No. I mean, yes... surely you can eat, you should. But you can´t go down there. I´ll fetch something for you.”

Robbie felt the stirring subside finally and got up, changed into his uniform when he heard a light chuckle behind him.

“This underwear really is anything but fashionable, but it suits you.”

“Jesus, Tim...”

“No offence... I´m just... sorry, that really was inappropriate.”

Robbie didn´t know what to answer, he tried to keep his breath calm and fight against the heat settling down there again; he felt a growing desire to see the other in his underwear – or even better, without... He was overwhelmed. Never had he desired another guy, never felt anything like this...

_Maybe it was the utter desire to be touched._

_Maybe it was the long missed human contact._

_Maybe it was his longing to be close to somebody._

It had all been too long.

Robbie was embarrassed by the intensity with which the urge hit him.

“Uhm... I go... Mess... Later.”

Until yesterday Robbie had been sure it was only a kind of brotherly feeling dwelling in his chest; this urge to bundle the little guy into his arms, ever since he had been brought in. But now... after that dream... and Tim´s so clearly spoken words... he knew it was not.

He watched Tim eating. It was a pleasure to see the young one so obviously enjoy every bit of it, though it was only ham and eggs and a bowl of beans. Robbie had also arranged for a huge flask filled with tea and he was fully satisfied with how colour returned slowly to Tim´s cheeks after some gulps of the warm yet refreshing liquid.

“Mmmh... that was good. So now... what are we going to do here?”

“I´m not sure to be honest. I´ve already reported to the Staff Commander that you´re awake and I´ve heard they´ll send the doctor in to examine you once more.”

Tim´s eyes widened with shock within a second.

“Doctor?? No. NO! I won´t have any fucking doctor lay his hands on me. You can tell them. What for? I´m okay. I´ve just...”

He began to cough and Robbie pursed his lips together.

“Sounds exactly like that. Listen, you´ve been buried in water, I presume you might have swallowed cold water in amounts not healthy for your body. I mean, I don´t think, but... really this would just be a usual examination. To make sure you´re not developing severe pneumonia or such...”

Tim´s legs were dangling from the bed and he eyed Robbie suspiciously.

“Sounds as if you know a lot of it yourself.”

He pointed to the books aside Robbie´s bed. Robbie smiled lightly.

“Yes, I´ve been preparing to study medicine. But...”

His eyes darkened by the memory of what had happened before he had ever been able to start his studies.

“So... maybe you can do the examination? I´d be very happy to let you do it.”

Robbie flinched. Not that he wasn´t in any case allowed to do this, let alone being a doctor – he couldn´t even pretend. The other thing was – and he felt uncomfortable again – the idea of touching Tim run shivers down his spine.

“Ah... I can´t really. See, I´m not even a student, I´m... right now I´m nothing... just a soldier, like you.”

Tim breathed deeply and reached out his hand.

“Come... sit with me. Please...”

His voice sounded so captivating and so were his pleading eyes. Robbie had to shut his for a moment and tried to at least resist the feeling that once again began to build inside, but then he moved over and sat beside Tim.

“Look... I´m sure you can do it, Robbie. And I wouldn´t let anyone else. I´ve...”

Tim gulped and then turned his head to Robbie. His lips were quivering.

“I just don´t want it. Please?”

He began unbuttoning his shirt and Robbie inhaled sharply. Tim´s skin was even paler than his own and he was unhealthy slim, when had the guy last eaten something before this morning? – his ribcage standing out, but still... enticing... beautiful... he was beautiful and his presence deeply disturbed Robbie. He felt a prickle in his fingers, he wanted to reach out and touch, he wanted his fingers to brush over those dark hard nipples...

“Why are you so shy, Robbie?”

whispered the other, his hand on Robbie´s cheek suddenly, stroking him tenderly.

“I... I don´t... chrm... I don´t even have a stethoscope or anything...”

Tim grinned and those wonderful pink plush lips drew closer.

“We won´t need that...”

And then Robbie felt gentle hands, exploring the skin on his neck, trailing into his hair, leaving shivers on his scalp and Robbie let go the last pieces of resistance; he let himself be pulled close and watched Tim as he blissfully closed his eyes, a small pinkness dusting across his cheeks and then Robbie thought no more.

Tim´s lips landed on his, taunting, with just the sweetest tender pressure coaxing his lips apart, sweeping his wet, hot tongue through his mouth, taking long lazy strokes, both their delicious mewling sounds being drowned in the kiss.

Robbie gasped shortly but then relieved sighs started to fall from his lips and he moved his hands around Tim´s waist, warm and soft it felt and the other moaned, encouraging Robbie to travel a path up to his chest and around his nipples, finally touching the sensitive buds between his fingers.

Robbie pressed closer and so did Tim and now they were hardness to hardness and Robbie groaned, he tried to get a hand between them, wrapping fingers around Tim´s growing erection. The younger one bucked gently, pushing himself closer into the touch, pushing the kiss deeper...

“HOLY FILTHY SHIT!!”

Both flinched and startled, painfully torn apart by a harsh voice.

Robbie stood and saluted.

_Why the heck had the guys decided to come back, just now in this perfect moment?_

He was breathing hard, ignoring the urge to check if Tim was right.

“Gee Turner... didn´t know you were a twat.”

The bigger Corporal elbowed the other and they started to giggle. Laughter filled the room, but it wasn´t a pleasant one. Suddenly the laughing stopped and the big one walked up to Robbie, his face mean and dark.

“Really... sleeping with us here for weeks. I bet you get off on us every night. Fuck... this is... sick!”

The other tried to stop him.

“Shshsh... stop it. He hasn´t done anything.”

“Yeah and I wouldn´t.”

Robbie said in a sudden rush of anger.

“We´re not your type then? Not...”

The one Corporal threw a look at Tim, who had buttoned his shirt up and sat trembling on the bed.

“... young and skinny enough?”

“Come on, leave it be. He´s okay. They didn´t do anyone any harm. Leave them be.”

“Hm...”

The bigger one shrugged and looked from Robbie to Tim, clearly disgusted.

“Really Turner, they´ve whores in every bar down the road. If you did something else than only ever write or read you would know.”

Robbie sighed and shook his head. They were just not worth the battle. He could only hope they would keep their mouths shut.

They didn´t.

For Robbie it turned out better than he had expected. After the hearing and his refusal to witness anything that could have shed a poor light on Tim, they finished him off. He was dismissed from service immediately and on the same afternoon he was packing his belongings. Lieutenant Colonel Hopkins had a last talk with him and he did not say it in clear words, but Robbie understood that he was truly sad and sorry for the behaviour of some officers during the hearing and he had more than liked keeping Robbie here. Robbie was grateful though, he wouldn´t leave service with honours, but finally he could return home.

Some days later he arrived back home at the tiny cottage where his mother had been waiting for him and she spoiled him for weeks with food and love and all he would have wished for.

But the nightmares and the guilty feeling inside his chest stayed, in fact over the weeks they involved into a dark shadow that he carried with him not only at nights, but most of his daytime too.

Robbie started his search for Tim right after he had settled into his old rooms and he spent hours on the phone, more hours in the county library on magazines and newspapers and even more hours in the tub, thinking of messy curly hair and the sensation of Tim´s lips against his and that was usually when he got out of the water and threw himself onto the unmade bed, naked, wet and groaning, unsatisfying rubbing his groin against the fabric imagining the sweet body he was aching for so bad.

“So, what really happened, son?”

His mother was lovely and caring and she knew right from the moment Robbie had appeared back at her doorstep that he had been affected with matters of the heart. She had tried from time to time, but Robbie had stayed silent. It was two years now and she couldn´t bear anymore to see him losing himself. He was barely a shadow of the man he had been and she knew he had seen terrible things and she maybe wasn´t the right person to talk about it, but tonight Robbie finally seemed approachable.

He sighed deeply.

“Not much really...”

She looked at him like only a mother could.

“You´re so very different from your father, Robbie.”

They sat down on the kitchen table.

“Eat. And then stop fooling yourself. You don´t look anything like “not much”...”

Robbie took a spoonful of soup and munched, taking some time to formulate his words.

“Did you know?”

Of all things that was the one thing to blur out firstly. He had wondered and he knew he could speak about literally everything with his mother – she would never judge him; she loved him unconditionally and dearly. If anything was sure in this world, it was that. But still – telling her... this – for him it meant a challenge. She smiled at him lovingly.

“Know? What´s there to know, son?”

Robbie gulped.

“That I... fell in love... with another guy.”

He blushed deeply and cast his eyes down. His mother stood up and came over, taking Robbie´s hands in hers.

“Maybe I´ve had a feeling. Anyway, it´s not important who you love, if him or her... the true worth is; you are able to love, you are giving your heart. You are such an adorable, lovely man and I am proud of you, Robbie.”

Robbie bit on his trembling lips but then he looked up and with his mother´s embrace around him he finally let go and for the rest of dinner he did not touch his soup anymore; he told his mother everything, every single second he had spent with Tim and how he was so desperate to find him, to know he was good, he lived and...

“So you want to see him again?”

“Yes.”

Robbie nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes. I need to tell him how sorry I am. If I hadn´t... I could have... I mean...”

“Oh Robbie...”

Eventually he burst into tears under the load of shame and guilt and obviously not being able to set things right with the young man he so dearly missed.

Had he known the mysterious ways of motherly love, Robbie had never tried anything else. It was a love that worked in silence, in the hidden and it took some time.

As one day a letter arrived at the cottage, it came with sudden surprise and his mother couldn´t have shone a brighter smile when she read the sender´s name. She placed the envelope on Robbie´s desk with gentle hands.

Robbie looked up from his anatomy sketches – he had enlisted himself to Cambridge again and was just doing pre-study-courses this summer – and then he saw her face, the beam in her eyes and he had to close his before he allowed himself to touch the envelope, to bring it up and read who had sent it and he swallowed, his eyes shut close again and a tiny whimper escaped his throat and when he opened his eyes again, they were glassy with tears.

“I´ll leave you alone...”

His mother went and Robbie was left with his heart wanting to jump out of his chest.

Slowly he began to read.

“ _Dear Robbie,_

_you cannot imagine how unbelievable happy it made me to find a letter from your mom in my postbox today. But somehow I hope you can though, because if your mom did this for you, she must know how happy it will make you to hear from me._

_I´ve been looking for you when I came back to fetch my stuff from our room but you´d already left. They told me they had sent you home, which was exactly what they did with me, too. After long hours and threats – but no one did me any harm. Please be sure I was treated – if not good, then at least okay. It was frightening though and one of the officers really hated me, I could see their disgust and he tried to talk the others into getting me into jail, but the more reasonable guys there (you remember Hopkins?) surely averted that._

_I´ve read you´ve been suffering with troubles and worries about me and I´m so so sorry I could not reach you earlier. I´ve tried, I´ve asked back at the office, but they wouldn´t give me any information and I didn´t have the slightest cue where you lived._

_I thought I´d lost you on that day, Robbie..._

_But now I´m sitting here, crying as I write because you are alive and waiting and I can see you again. I´m thinking of you every day since we parted. I knew it may sound weird because we´ve only known each other for such a short time, but I missed you, Robbie. I knew from the first time I saw your face, the first touch of your hand... I knew... it´s you._

_Please write me or even better call me and we´ll find a way to resume our story, to go back to that moment in that room and further from there. I can´t put into words how much you mean to me and what my heart is going through right now._

_Yours,_

_Tim_

Robbie´s hands were shaking as he let the paper sink down. Then he read it again and once more. Tears were falling from his eyes, but these finally were tears of joy.

_Tim lived._

_He was fine._

_And they would see each other again._

Robbie had never before been so excited. He had pondered to wear his suit, but then decided against it. He wasn´t about to go for a fancy dinner or some invitation at a grand house. So he put on his casual shirt and cotton trousers, boots to that... He combed his hair back for a hundred times this morning and when he entered the kitchen, his chest heaving hard under deep breaths, his heart hammering with anticipation, his mother just threw him a big smile and took him into her arms.

“Thanks mom. You know I can never thank you enough for doing this for me.”

“Yes you can, Robbie. Be happy.”

She kissed him on the cheek and Robbie heaved a big sigh, before he turned to go.

Tim didn´t live that far and Robbie had wondered how years could have passed with him being literally just some hours away. The trains were full and people were still anxious and agitated; the war wasn´t over yet, but for Robbie this part of his life was as far away as he had never imagined possible.

When he arrived at the tiny township, Robbie took all the time taking in the surroundings. This was where Tim lived, these were the streets he roamed day by day, these were the people he was seeing. Robbie was smiling and somehow surprised how his feet kept walking while his heart was literally pumping out of his chest.

There it was. He once more checked the address on his paper, then straightened his posture and took a deep breath before he pulled the doorbell. The ringing sound echoed in his ears and he stepped back, nervously combing his fingers through his hair and swallowing.

It seemed like hours, but in fact it took only seconds before the door opened and Robbie found himself staring into a face that looked even happier than his, if this was possible at all.

“Robbie...”

Tims´s voice broke and he shook his head. His curls had grown into his neck and were hanging into his face from all sides. Robbie felt his heart jump at the beautiful sight; those red lips curling into the most wonderful smile, the jawline more masculine and sharp, his eyes bright with the colours of the sun mirrored in them.

“Hello...”

For some amount of time they were just gazing at each other, not being able to understand this really was happening. Then suddenly Tim cleared his throat and asked Robbie in.

The flat was very tiny but Robbie found it amazing how a guy of Tim´s age already had his own place. They sat down at the table and Tim offered him a drink; Robbie noticed he had even freshly baked bread sit upon the oven, still warm.

“I don´t have much, but if you´d like a slice of bread with butter?”

Tim blushed a bit and Robbie immediately fell in love with this version of him; settled, keeping a household, being modest and sweet.

“Yes please. I don´t know if I bear to eat at all, but it smells wonderful.”

“You´re not hungry after travelling here?”

“Yes I am. Just...”

Robbie gulped.

“I´m nervous.”

Tim threw him the sweetest smile.

“Me too...”

The bread tasted as good as it smelled and despite his excitement Robbie munched on it quite joyfully. This felt – home. He hadn´t dared to think of anything Tim-related like this, but now he knew. This was exactly what he had felt, back then already. It was like the missing piece of puzzle he had never known he had been searching for. But here he was – sitting right in front of him.

“I´m glad you like it. I´ve been pondering to open my own bakery. My mother... well... she´s from a family of bankers and...”

Robbie grinned. It was obvious Tim wasn´t really proud of telling him that basically he was a wealthy man, in fact he seemed to be ashamed of his background.

“But that´s great, Tim. Don´t bother. I´m living on the money of patrons. Family my father worked for; they´ve been spoiling me for years, paying for my studies and everything...”

As this issue was cleared, they talked. About their upbringing, their parents, school, friends, about dreams and future plans and for once since a very long time Robbie felt at ease and free and – happy.

He reached over the table and took Tim´s hand in his, caressing his long soft fingers, each by each, not daring to look him into the eyes and the intimacy of this tiny, bare innocent gesture hit both of them.

Tim sighed deeply and Robbie could hear the sound of his throat when he swallowed.

“Robbie...”

he whispered into the warm air around them; the scent of bread and lavender hanging in the dust, no sound to be heard but their breathing. Robbie´s heard was pounding so wildly in his chest he was sure Tim must feel it. He knew he couldn´t wait any second longer.

“I´ve missed you so much, Tim. I´ve been dreaming to touch you again...”

Eventually Robbie looked up. Tim´s mouth fell open, his sweet lips moist and inviting, his cheeks blushed from excitement, his green eyes sparkling and Robbie could nearly feel the tension in Tim´s body because it was the same which now spread up and down and around all of his own body. Their chairs tumbled over when they rose, too quick, their knees shaking, both overcoming the distance between them, wrapping arms around waists, breathing hard, nodding, feeling the other hard against their own arousal as their lips finally touched and they drowned in a kiss that had been awaited for so long.

_ Epilogue _

Robbie opened his eyes and looked down at the tousled dark locks spread over his chest, Tim´s face buried into the pit of his arm, breathing peacefully. The warmth of his body pressed to his side, their legs entangled, Tim sweetly munching his lips in his sleep. Robbie escaped a deep sigh.

Tears gathered in his eyes as he stroked the younger one´s back tenderly. How he loved the curve of his small back, the round soft shoulders, his still protruding ribcage, the skinny hips...

It had been strange, their first encounter; both not really knowing how to do it, both a bit too excited as to find real pleasure. But they had tried again a few hours later; taking more time, more kisses, more caressing, soft touching, feeling the other react and letting their bodies work slowly, trusting themselves more now... and Robbie felt a bit sore but the look in Tim´s eyes when he called out his name and they declared their love for each other not just in words but with the union of their bodies, let all the feelings culminate into a deep shudder that ran over their bodies, giving them a strange, never before experienced slow and enduring release, both shaking from desire and lust and – love... it had been bliss, pure bliss and he knew he would never – never ever allow life to separate the both of them again.

**THE END**


End file.
